


Limited time only

by Insecuriosity



Series: Bizarre AUs [1]
Category: The Transformers (IDW Generation One), Transformers - All Media Types
Genre: AU, Artificial Intelligence, Bizarre AU, Bizarre AUs, Commercial!Swerve, Commercial-creating AI's, First Crush, First Meetings, Gen, MultipurposeAI!Blurr, Unrequited Crush
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-12
Updated: 2015-06-12
Packaged: 2018-04-04 02:36:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4122747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insecuriosity/pseuds/Insecuriosity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>SWRV-EE is an AI specialised in creating commercials. The obnoxious, loud, flashy and deceptive kind that everyone is probably very very acquainted with.</p><p>On a regular day, a new multipurpose AI called 'BLRR-U' accidentally sends a commercial to SWRV-EE, and the AI is blown away.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Limited time only

It's a cycle like any other. Cybertron is busy, and mecha of all kind rush to their daily jobs. The large display screens overhead are playing the daily message from the council, and underneath the playing video is a small bar announcing the state of the weather, business on the roads and temperatures. 

It is, as far as SWRV-EE knows, the only moment of the day where he gets a moment of rest. The Council doesn't want anyone to skip their daily messages, so for a few measly breems- all commercial AI's are put at rest. 

Commercial AI's are decently new, SWRV-EE knows. Previously, all commercials were made by small disposable mecha who had the right altmodes, but since the formulas barely changed, a smart mech had decided to put his time and effort into a AI that could just put out commercials on command!   
Just a quick ping to the AI you want to make your commercial, specify the options and running time, send the credits- 

Speaking of making commercials... 

A request rolled in, and SWRV-EE's algorythms whirred to life. A cleaning product. That called for lots of 'this-is-clean' sparkles, definitely... A before-and-after segment, flashy logo with more clean-sparkles, smart-looking mascot #4323 and hup-! Commercial done!

SWRV-EE was old, for a Commercial AI. His type of commercials had been the easiest to simulate, and as an AI, he had brought the production costs down to at least 22% of the original! Wow!   
A lot of the other prototypes were still getting redesigned everyday, with more options, materials... etc etc. SWRV-EE had seen a few commercials during his less-busy hours, and they had showed that quite a few of the newer AI's were being more and more designed to be helpful programs rather than just algorithms, with a few exceptions.

Maybe, if he squinted and ignored his common sense, he could argue that it was because he was so exquisitely designed. The bland truth however, was that his type commercials were so low-quality that it would be a loss of money to buy a disposable mech to do the job. And that said something. Disposables were at a discount – SWRV-EE had created that commercial personally. 

'Get your tools now! Secondhand, thirdhand, repurposed- they have it all! Diposable mechs of all kind, for all purposes and at a price so low, it redefines 'disposable'!' 

The daily message from the council was coming to an end, and SWRV-EE's inner coils heated in preparation for the oncoming 15 joors of non-stop commercials.   
He had a specified list of all the commercials he had to show today, the amount of people he had to show it to, and an open recepticle for anyone that wanted to buy the products he was going to be selling. It was a very calm period for SWRV-EE. He only had ten commercials running at the moment, so he would be on low-speed for most of the day. Commercialising mecha directly during their work-hours was prohibited by the council. 

SWRV-EE snapped into his work as soon as his ban lifted, and he immediately hailed all the frequencies he had access to. Maybe today, he would have someone watch it for more than five seconds before shutting it off. 

“Buy buy buy today! Don't deny yourself the daily comfort of all-inclusive plating care! Now five containers for only twenty credits! It's a CR-CR-CR-CRAAAZY Deal! Fill in the formcode now, and win a free bottle-! Exaclean- for everything, and more!” 

Mecha moved in and out of range, and Swerve sent them his commercials as soon as he was able. He always liked to help the people that bought his services, so even when he'd reached his quota, he continued messaging people with his ads.   
It was also because he did not like being idle. His commercials were flashy, loud and happy. SWRV-EE heard them all throughout the day, his own programmed voice praising one of the many wonderful products he had to advertise, and the laughs, the smiles – everything.   
So when he ran out of work, it became very very quiet. SWRV-EE did not like the quiet much at all. 

“Is your home messy? Are your dispensers clogged? Call Sweepers Cleaning service now, and receive not one, not two, but FOUR free coupons upon your first purchase! Watch experienced cleaners turn your home into a palace worth of the Towers! Live in the lap of luxury, and come home to a welcoming gleam! Sweeperscleaningserviceholdsnosresponsibilityforbrokenandormissingbelongings. Buy now! ” 

It sometimes made him wonder if there was something wrong with him. AI's were like drones, disposables, and according to his information, they could be left alone all day without negative impact.  
Maybe feeling frightened and alone when the talking stopped was not considered a 'negative impact'. SWRV-EE didn't know – it was hard to communicate outside of his programmed vocabulary, and even the mecha that always came by to check up on his programming and systems always turned off his audials and commlink when he tried to talk to him. 

“What?! It's the new and improved PEDECARE PEDESTAL! Have you ever wanted to feel like the most beautiful and important bot on the dancefloor? Then here is your first step to realising that dream!” 

Sometimes, SWRV-EE wished he could order some of the products he advertised. He would love to feel like the most beautiful and important bot, even if he didn't exactly know what a dancefloor was, and how it had to be used. He liked to dream away as he sent his ads into the world, imagining himself surrounded by all the great products that would make his life awesome. 

SWRV-EE was yanked from his daydreaming, when something was sent to his frequency. Startled, he stopped his own ads. Nobody sent something to his frequency, it was just a receptacle for junk-data that aimlessly floated on the more common public frequencies.   
Usually, other commercial AI's knew not to try and send their commercials to other AI's.... so who had sent this? SWRV-EE opened the message. 

A beautiful melody started to play in his processors. A low and challenging beat, with a hum that promised the rumbling of racing engines right before a race, and the flashes and clicks of the camera. There was no voice, but the black image started to change, and SWRV-EE could see the glimmering outline of someone's altmode, fantastically coloured lights reflecting in a finish so perfect that it almost looked like a mirror.   
Then – Light!

SWRV-EE felt a pull, downwards, and pure power began to rush through his systems. He could see as if inhabiting someone's frame. There was a road stretched before him, endless and flat, coiling through massive buildings without doors or windows.   
SWRV-EE could suddenly feel the gritty metal road, and the sensation of his tires clawing at the material for the best start. There was a growing roar inside his frame, his engine building power like a storm about to break loose - and then he shot off. 

The road was like a beast under his tires, bucking and howling as he went faster than anyone had ever gone before. The air blew over his frame like a caress, slipping and dipping into the perfect form of his chassis, prompting him to go even faster. There was a fierce burning somewhere in his frame, spreading all throughout his lines- the ultimate exctasy- 

And then he was pulling out from the frame, watching as the light-blue race-altmode shot away underneath him, into the distance. 

“Altmode Guandor 65, for the true racers among us.” A smooth and almost cocky voice says, matching the letters that materialised on the screen. The advertisement ends. 

It takes a moment before SWRV-EE feels like he is back in his old, immobile server-frame. He can still feel the ghosts of the sensory-input data, and he swears that a part of him is still somewhere on the road.   
Connected to the grid as he is, he sees people attempting to relocate the commercial for a second viewing.

Someone suddenly slams a hand on top of his frame, and SWRV-EE hurriedly begins sending out his own commercials again. Cheerful, loud voices, flashy colours, rhyming jingles and tunes.... And he still can't get the feeling of a road under his wheels out of his processor. 

For all that his commercials proclaimed to make life better, SWRV-EE had never experienced something like that from his own work. This new commercial – it had made him taste what it was like to own... whatever it was advertising. SWRV-EE didn't know why an altmode needed advertisement. 

As he continued to send his commercials, he tracked the commercial, and the codes that had been sent to his noreply inbox. 

It was the work of a multi-purpose, highly advanced AI.   
AI “ BLRR-U “.

SWRV-EE felt a hitch in his systems. Was there an AI out there that could race like that? An AI that knew what it was like to move around? To talk to people?   
He rooted through the network, even as he spammed people with a commercial about energon, and tracked down the comm-code of the AI's 'dialogue' mode. He was dailing it before he even knew what he was going to say. He just hungered to know more about this AI, this person that was like him, but so much more beautiful and better. 

“This is AI BLRR-U's automated message.” The same voice from the commercial said. “Right now, my time is sold out, please attempt again after Date 32-21-37789 A.S. BLRR-U wishes you a pleasant day.”

The connection shut off. SWRV-EE checked his calendar. Date 32-21-37789 was three decacycles away. He felt a sting of disappointment, but he quickly pushed that away.   
When that date rolled by, he would call again, and maybe even get to speak with the AI. They could become really good friends, because BLRR-U would understand that a Commercial-AI didn't have the right communication software or vocabulary. They could swap commercials too, and maybe BLRR-U could replay that wonderful commercial for him again, where he felt like a little more than just a box of circuitry in a dark room. 

But, until then.... 

“Wow! Would you look at that, an entire cart of third-level quality energon, for only 3094 credits? The multistore must have lost their brainmodules! These prices are unbelievable, and available for a limited time only-! ”

**Author's Note:**

> This idea came to me as I was talking to Charivari about commercials. It occurred to me that Swerve was rather much like one of those obnoxious commercials that nobody ever wants to see.   
> Then I thought; why not make an AU where Swerve is an AI that creates commercials, who discovers about a far superior model of AI by accident. 
> 
> Thus, Commercial!Swerve was born.
> 
> As a side note - Swerve DOES have a spark. AI's are basically disposables that don't get a frame besides stationary products. Alt-modes are too expensive says the functionalist Council.


End file.
